The Drive By

As I was pulling out of the work parking lot today, a guy almost ran into my car with his bike. He didn't seem happy to be riding his bike through the snow and didn't have much control over it, either. Although he almost ran into me because he didn't stop before proceeding through the driveway, he became extremely upset. He looked at me with fire in his eyes and called me a "White Bitch". I was shocked!

Not only was I insulted, but I was not going to let him get away with it. How could I possibly let this slide? No way! I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

I caught up to him down the street as he was passing me on my passenger side. I quickly rolled down the window and yelled, "HEY!! I'm not white!!". I meant to say, "HEY! I'm not a bitch!", but somehow that didn't come out. Startled, he looked at me with confusion. I'm not sure if he was trying to get away from me or if he was trying to figure out how I wasn't white.

Either way, I laughed all the way home.

Wife Swap!

Have you ever watched, "Wife Swap"? Well, I have used this show to threaten my children when they misbehave. One day we were watching the show and a mean, crazy mother was swapped with a really sweet, obsessive compulsive mother. Of course as the show played on, the crazy mother was mean to the kids and totally destroyed the home she was staying in. The kids learned to love and appreciate their clean home and sweet mother and couldn't wait for her to come home.

I guess the purpose of the show is to teach the husbands and kids to appreciate their family and home. Each mother has something to teach the other family. In my case, I feel as though my family should appreciate me more.

One day, my son was acting up and throwing tantrums, my husband didn't want the healthy meal I had cooked, and my daughter wouldn't clean her room. I got so mad and yelled out, "THAT'S OKAY! I'LL TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON! I'M GOING ON WIFE SWAP AND YOU'LL SEE HOW GOOD YOU'VE GOT IT!" They all looked at me like I was crazy.

Little did they know, I have seriously considered it. It would definitely make for a good story. Because I'm such a neat freak, they'll probably send someone here to destroy my house or shave my kids bald. Hey, my family will learn to appreciate me, won't they? The truth is.....I don't think I could stand to be away from these spoiled brats for a whole week but I'll never admit it! ;)

My Sweet Pork Hammer

As the kids and I sat in Olive Garden having dinner last night, I was awakened by the sweetness of my four-year-old son. He kept staring a table seated across from us. It was a mother and her two sons. My Niko suddenly pointed to the little boys and said, "Mommy, where's their Daddy?". Embarrassed, I quickly whispered to him that it wasn't polite to point. He insisted, "But...where is their Daddy?". I explained to him that maybe their Daddy was at home, or working, or maybe they just didn't have a Daddy. He said, "Why? What happened to him?". I could see that he was getting upset and I knew that I needed an excuse and fast. I didn't want to say, "Geez....maybe he died." Although, that thought did run through my head. So instead, I said, "Maybe he doesn't live with them. Maybe he has his own house." Niko suddenly made a sad face and said, "Awwww....poor things!". At that moment, my heart melted because I truly felt the love he has for his Daddy. This sweetness actually came from the same kid that calls himself PORK HAMMER!! (Hahahaha!!).

This Can't Be Good!

Why is it that every time I have something in the house that I really love to eat, I feel the need to eat it constantly until it's gone? I just polished off all of the chocolate covered almonds. Hey....at least the almonds are healthy, right? And, chocolate is now supposed to be good for you too. I always seem to tell myself this. I somehow convince myself that the junk food I ate was somehow good for me. lol

Hey.....I ate pizza, cheese is good because it contains calcium and the sauce is good because it contains lycopene. hahaa!! Well, I'd make a good lawyer. I have totally sabotaged my high-fiber diet. Oh well, I'll restart this thing on the first of the year. Why did everyone buy me cookies, nuts, candy, and cakes for Christmas? Maybe I can re-gift them? No.....that wouldn't be good.

Well, it's that time of the year when we should all be enjoying holiday goodies. Who eats a salad at Christmas? That reminds me, I ate glazed ham for four days straight. Ugh! I don't even want to step on the scale. Let's not forget the cheesy potatoes, lasagna, baked beans with bacon, mashed potatoes, butter rolls, and macaroni salad. Whew!

Thank you holidays!!!!

Niko's Funnies

We went to visit my grandmother in the hospital yesterday. I said, "Niko, say hi to Grandma" (She is actually his great-grandma). Well, he responds with, "I don't need another grandma. I have a lovely grandma in Detroit". I couldn't stop laughing. He just cannot grasp the concept that he is allowed to have more than one grandmother.

While out to dinner the other night with some friends, he had some very funny things to say. My husband gave him a glass of chocolate milk. Niko decided that he would put two straws in his cup instead of one. He then looks over at our friend who was sitting next to him and says, "Here's a straw for you so that we can share this milk and both drink at the same time". It was sooo cute! I am not sure where he learned this.

Lately, he's been calling me "big 'ol mama". Nice, huh?

His favorite word is "butthole". Lovely, isn't it? He calls his sister "Stinky Butthole". I especially love when he does that in public. Just wonderful!

People look at me as if I taught him this language. I can honestly say that I really don't know where he learns this stuff.

He is also a charmer. My husband and I recently celebrated our 7th anniversary. Niko says, "Hey, that's not fair! I want to be married with a little girl. I want to be married with Leeanna (his first cousin) and she is going to wear a pretty flower in her hair". My sister thought this was really funny.

As we exited the hospital elevator the other day he says to the nurses, "Have a good day, ladies!" He calls all pretty girls "mamacitas". He often says to girls walking down the street, "Hellloooo ladies!" I don't know what I'm going to do with this kid!

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that as we passed Long John Silver's yesterday he blurts out: "Mommy, stop!! I need a fish!" lol

The joys of motherhood!

This Boy is Too Much!!!

As my son and I looked through a photo album the other day, we came across his Baptism pics. He was not happy at all. There was a pic of the priest dunking his head in the water. My son quickly responded after seeing the picture, "What's wrong with these stupid Mother F**ckers? What are they doing to me? You don't supposed to do that to a baby!" I almost passed out! I was shocked! He thought the priest was trying to drown him. He couldn't understand the baptism. Mind you, this was only 3 years ago.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with this boy! His mouth is terrible and his temper is even worse. We've tried hot sauce, soap, time-outs, and taking toys away. Nothing seems to work. Each day I keep telling myself that the cussing will end soon. The pediatrician told me to ignore the cussing and he will stop. How do you ignore a child that is yelling profanities in line at the grocery store? He seems to pick up every bad word that is muttered around him. It's like a secret language for him. He loves the words and knows exactly how to use them. I am the most popular mom in my neighborhood. "Hey...there's that brat's mom!" Fits in the front yard are quite the norm as he hates to come inside. Many older women have told me bad kids = good adults. I hope they're right because I would hate to be known as the brat's mom while I'm trying to rest in the nursing home. :)

Why???

Sometimes I wonder why I decided to be a Mommy. With all the worries and stress that come with being a Mommy, I often find myself feeling overwhelmed. I remember my Mom telling me that you never stop worrying about your children. When they're born we worry about SIDS and immunizations. When they're toddlers we worry about stitches, falls, and scrapes. As school age children, we worry about them walking to school or playing outside. As teenagers, we worry about their friends, boyfriends, drugs, and sex. During their college years, we worry about them drinking and driving, completing their degrees, and money. Once they're adults, we worry about them financially and physically. Then.......they have children and we worry about our grandchildren. To sum it up, once you become a Mom you are stressed forever and ever. I guess it's worth it, though. I sure love them lots!