The Drive By

As I was pulling out of the work parking lot today, a guy almost ran into my car with his bike. He didn't seem happy to be riding his bike through the snow and didn't have much control over it, either. Although he almost ran into me because he didn't stop before proceeding through the driveway, he became extremely upset. He looked at me with fire in his eyes and called me a "White Bitch". I was shocked!

Not only was I insulted, but I was not going to let him get away with it. How could I possibly let this slide? No way! I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

I caught up to him down the street as he was passing me on my passenger side. I quickly rolled down the window and yelled, "HEY!! I'm not white!!". I meant to say, "HEY! I'm not a bitch!", but somehow that didn't come out. Startled, he looked at me with confusion. I'm not sure if he was trying to get away from me or if he was trying to figure out how I wasn't white.

Either way, I laughed all the way home.

Wife Swap!

Have you ever watched, "Wife Swap"? Well, I have used this show to threaten my children when they misbehave. One day we were watching the show and a mean, crazy mother was swapped with a really sweet, obsessive compulsive mother. Of course as the show played on, the crazy mother was mean to the kids and totally destroyed the home she was staying in. The kids learned to love and appreciate their clean home and sweet mother and couldn't wait for her to come home.

I guess the purpose of the show is to teach the husbands and kids to appreciate their family and home. Each mother has something to teach the other family. In my case, I feel as though my family should appreciate me more.

One day, my son was acting up and throwing tantrums, my husband didn't want the healthy meal I had cooked, and my daughter wouldn't clean her room. I got so mad and yelled out, "THAT'S OKAY! I'LL TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON! I'M GOING ON WIFE SWAP AND YOU'LL SEE HOW GOOD YOU'VE GOT IT!" They all looked at me like I was crazy.

Little did they know, I have seriously considered it. It would definitely make for a good story. Because I'm such a neat freak, they'll probably send someone here to destroy my house or shave my kids bald. Hey, my family will learn to appreciate me, won't they? The truth is.....I don't think I could stand to be away from these spoiled brats for a whole week but I'll never admit it! ;)

My Sweet Pork Hammer

As the kids and I sat in Olive Garden having dinner last night, I was awakened by the sweetness of my four-year-old son. He kept staring a table seated across from us. It was a mother and her two sons. My Niko suddenly pointed to the little boys and said, "Mommy, where's their Daddy?". Embarrassed, I quickly whispered to him that it wasn't polite to point. He insisted, "But...where is their Daddy?". I explained to him that maybe their Daddy was at home, or working, or maybe they just didn't have a Daddy. He said, "Why? What happened to him?". I could see that he was getting upset and I knew that I needed an excuse and fast. I didn't want to say, "Geez....maybe he died." Although, that thought did run through my head. So instead, I said, "Maybe he doesn't live with them. Maybe he has his own house." Niko suddenly made a sad face and said, "Awwww....poor things!". At that moment, my heart melted because I truly felt the love he has for his Daddy. This sweetness actually came from the same kid that calls himself PORK HAMMER!! (Hahahaha!!).