The Holiday Spirit

As I made my way to the gas station, I was cheerily listening to Christmas carols and a familiar song played...."It's the most wonderful time of the year...." la la la. While pumping the expensive liquid that so desperately eats my pocketbook, I hear yelling. I turn around and witness two old men arguing. One old guy chooses the most vulgar words that have ever spurted out of a senior citizen's mouth. "You F___ing Idiot!!". The other guy starts dropping the dreaded "N" word as he pounds his fists and turns red. I look around to see the expressions of my gas pumping companions. One young guy was cracking up as the older lady next to me continued to shake her head in disgust and disbelief. I said a silent prayer, hoping I wouldn't be shot. That gas couldn't come out quick enough for me. I thought about leaving but who leaves $20 worth of gas these days?  All I could think of as I finally drove away was, "Wow! I guess they don't think it's the most wonderful time of the year, huh?". Bah Humbug! Where is the Christmas spirit? Geez!

Niko's Future Career Goals

The other day Niko comes home from school and says, "Mom, my teacher says that I don't have to go to college if I don't want to. She says it's my choice. I decided that I'm not going to college. I'm just going to live my dream and work at the casino. My boss will say that I can play all the machines when I'm done with my work."

If only life were this easy, huh?? lol

I just love his ideas ;)

Can I Quit School?

Niko drew a picture for me today and wrote, "Rhonda, I Love You! Love, Niko". I said, "Wow, good job! You're a very good speller for a first grader!". He responds with, "I know everything! Can I quit school now?" I love this kid! hahaha He is fully educated at the age of six and is ready to rule the world. Somehow, I believe he probably could. ;)

My Local Hero!!

My Niko was riding his bike outside and I told him, "Don't go by that house on the corner! That big German Shepherd jumped the fence the other day and attacked a man and his little dog." Niko says, "I don't care! I'll take a big weapon, like a knife, down there and stab that bad dog right in the eye! I'll be a hero!". He continued to tell us that he'll be a local hero because the city will make a golden statue of him stabbing the dog. Around the statue will sit golden benches where people can sit and look at him.

As he described the statue to us, he posed in the position that he and the dog will be in. We couldn't stop laughing! I don't know where he comes up with this stuff!

My Prince Charming

As we were browsing through a shoe store the other day, Niko picks up a pair of school bus yellow, patent leather, stripper heels. He says, "Mommy, try these on. They're beautiful!". Since he handed me a size 6, I knew would be impossible to fit even my big toe in, I declined. He proceeds to pick out lots of colorful, exotic shoes for me to try on. Since when did my 5-year-old stuntman take an interest in women's shoes? He tells me, "But, Mommy.....you'll look so beautiful with these shoes on!". Too cute!

As we continue shopping, his eyes suddenly light up and he runs over to me, gets on one knee, holding a shoe in one hand and says, "Try this shoe on and see if it fits!". I look down and see a clear plastic, strapless, 3-inch heel with lots of gold and silver sparkles. This shoe was bejeweled and glittered to the max! Niko says, in his Boston accent, "This is the glass shoe that Prince Charming gives all the gals!". The young, Mexican salesgirl couldn't stop laughing. Only my little Prince Charming would do something so adorable! I hope he never grows up but when he does, I hope he buys me lots of glittery shoes :)

My Mom Is Sooo Funny!

The other day my mom and I were talking and she mentioned that she watches, "The Apprentice". I immediately said, "I can't stand Donald Trump!". In her cute southern accent she says, "He's not so bad once you get to know him." Know him? What? Well, I knew what she meant.

I told her that Donald is considering running for President. Although I would never vote for him, my mom feels that he would make a great President. She says, "Hey, he knows how to make money! I would vote for him!". That's true. Good point, Mom!

I immediately responded with, "How can the man manage a country when he can't even manage his hair?". She says, "Hey, he manages his hair pretty well because he's actually bald under there!". Hahahaha!!

Oh......how I love these debates with my mother :)

Vacation???

On a recent road trip to Florida, I wondered if a vacation was actually a good idea. 1,200 miles away, in a car, with my hubby and two kids. My son threw up the whole way there. My daughter was aggravated because she couldn't sleep. My husband's back was killing him from driving and I was stressed beyond belief. A vacation, really?

One week in a small hotel room....all together. Sure, we're a close family but at home we can escape to our bedrooms or the basement. Not this time! We were forced to be together, in small quarters. I had absolutely no privacy for days! My only escape was the five minute shower I took each day and even then my son was banging on the door needing his mommy's attention.

Niko (5) wanted to go to the beach and swim while Kiana (14) wanted to visit Harry Potter Land to shop and explore. My son couldn't ride many of the rides that my daughter and I rode. He was very upset! My hubby couldn't stomach most of the rides. It was 92 degrees and extremely over crowded. Everyone was frustrated and I was ready to run away!

I surprised my family with a spring break trip to Florida with the intentions of spending some good, quality time with them. Was this all blowing up in my face? Did I even know these ungrateful people?

As the week progressed, things got better. We enjoyed the beach, restaurants, and museums. We even began enjoying each other. During the drive home, my daughter raised an interesting point. She believed that we had a hard time adjusting to the constant time together. We were forced to be together, like it or not. Although I did not achieve total relaxation during my vacation, I learned a lot. I learned to love all the good and bad things about my family. I also learned to appreciate home because I sure missed it a lot!

The Drive By

As I was pulling out of the work parking lot today, a guy almost ran into my car with his bike. He didn't seem happy to be riding his bike through the snow and didn't have much control over it, either. Although he almost ran into me because he didn't stop before proceeding through the driveway, he became extremely upset. He looked at me with fire in his eyes and called me a "White Bitch". I was shocked!

Not only was I insulted, but I was not going to let him get away with it. How could I possibly let this slide? No way! I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

I caught up to him down the street as he was passing me on my passenger side. I quickly rolled down the window and yelled, "HEY!! I'm not white!!". I meant to say, "HEY! I'm not a bitch!", but somehow that didn't come out. Startled, he looked at me with confusion. I'm not sure if he was trying to get away from me or if he was trying to figure out how I wasn't white.

Either way, I laughed all the way home.

Wife Swap!

Have you ever watched, "Wife Swap"? Well, I have used this show to threaten my children when they misbehave. One day we were watching the show and a mean, crazy mother was swapped with a really sweet, obsessive compulsive mother. Of course as the show played on, the crazy mother was mean to the kids and totally destroyed the home she was staying in. The kids learned to love and appreciate their clean home and sweet mother and couldn't wait for her to come home.

I guess the purpose of the show is to teach the husbands and kids to appreciate their family and home. Each mother has something to teach the other family. In my case, I feel as though my family should appreciate me more.

One day, my son was acting up and throwing tantrums, my husband didn't want the healthy meal I had cooked, and my daughter wouldn't clean her room. I got so mad and yelled out, "THAT'S OKAY! I'LL TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON! I'M GOING ON WIFE SWAP AND YOU'LL SEE HOW GOOD YOU'VE GOT IT!" They all looked at me like I was crazy.

Little did they know, I have seriously considered it. It would definitely make for a good story. Because I'm such a neat freak, they'll probably send someone here to destroy my house or shave my kids bald. Hey, my family will learn to appreciate me, won't they? The truth is.....I don't think I could stand to be away from these spoiled brats for a whole week but I'll never admit it! ;)

My Sweet Pork Hammer

As the kids and I sat in Olive Garden having dinner last night, I was awakened by the sweetness of my four-year-old son. He kept staring a table seated across from us. It was a mother and her two sons. My Niko suddenly pointed to the little boys and said, "Mommy, where's their Daddy?". Embarrassed, I quickly whispered to him that it wasn't polite to point. He insisted, "But...where is their Daddy?". I explained to him that maybe their Daddy was at home, or working, or maybe they just didn't have a Daddy. He said, "Why? What happened to him?". I could see that he was getting upset and I knew that I needed an excuse and fast. I didn't want to say, "Geez....maybe he died." Although, that thought did run through my head. So instead, I said, "Maybe he doesn't live with them. Maybe he has his own house." Niko suddenly made a sad face and said, "Awwww....poor things!". At that moment, my heart melted because I truly felt the love he has for his Daddy. This sweetness actually came from the same kid that calls himself PORK HAMMER!! (Hahahaha!!).

This Can't Be Good!

Why is it that every time I have something in the house that I really love to eat, I feel the need to eat it constantly until it's gone? I just polished off all of the chocolate covered almonds. Hey....at least the almonds are healthy, right? And, chocolate is now supposed to be good for you too. I always seem to tell myself this. I somehow convince myself that the junk food I ate was somehow good for me. lol

Hey.....I ate pizza, cheese is good because it contains calcium and the sauce is good because it contains lycopene. hahaa!! Well, I'd make a good lawyer. I have totally sabotaged my high-fiber diet. Oh well, I'll restart this thing on the first of the year. Why did everyone buy me cookies, nuts, candy, and cakes for Christmas? Maybe I can re-gift them? No.....that wouldn't be good.

Well, it's that time of the year when we should all be enjoying holiday goodies. Who eats a salad at Christmas? That reminds me, I ate glazed ham for four days straight. Ugh! I don't even want to step on the scale. Let's not forget the cheesy potatoes, lasagna, baked beans with bacon, mashed potatoes, butter rolls, and macaroni salad. Whew!

Thank you holidays!!!!

Niko's Funnies

We went to visit my grandmother in the hospital yesterday. I said, "Niko, say hi to Grandma" (She is actually his great-grandma). Well, he responds with, "I don't need another grandma. I have a lovely grandma in Detroit". I couldn't stop laughing. He just cannot grasp the concept that he is allowed to have more than one grandmother.

While out to dinner the other night with some friends, he had some very funny things to say. My husband gave him a glass of chocolate milk. Niko decided that he would put two straws in his cup instead of one. He then looks over at our friend who was sitting next to him and says, "Here's a straw for you so that we can share this milk and both drink at the same time". It was sooo cute! I am not sure where he learned this.

Lately, he's been calling me "big 'ol mama". Nice, huh?

His favorite word is "butthole". Lovely, isn't it? He calls his sister "Stinky Butthole". I especially love when he does that in public. Just wonderful!

People look at me as if I taught him this language. I can honestly say that I really don't know where he learns this stuff.

He is also a charmer. My husband and I recently celebrated our 7th anniversary. Niko says, "Hey, that's not fair! I want to be married with a little girl. I want to be married with Leeanna (his first cousin) and she is going to wear a pretty flower in her hair". My sister thought this was really funny.

As we exited the hospital elevator the other day he says to the nurses, "Have a good day, ladies!" He calls all pretty girls "mamacitas". He often says to girls walking down the street, "Hellloooo ladies!" I don't know what I'm going to do with this kid!

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that as we passed Long John Silver's yesterday he blurts out: "Mommy, stop!! I need a fish!" lol

The joys of motherhood!

This Boy is Too Much!!!

As my son and I looked through a photo album the other day, we came across his Baptism pics. He was not happy at all. There was a pic of the priest dunking his head in the water. My son quickly responded after seeing the picture, "What's wrong with these stupid Mother F**ckers? What are they doing to me? You don't supposed to do that to a baby!" I almost passed out! I was shocked! He thought the priest was trying to drown him. He couldn't understand the baptism. Mind you, this was only 3 years ago.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with this boy! His mouth is terrible and his temper is even worse. We've tried hot sauce, soap, time-outs, and taking toys away. Nothing seems to work. Each day I keep telling myself that the cussing will end soon. The pediatrician told me to ignore the cussing and he will stop. How do you ignore a child that is yelling profanities in line at the grocery store? He seems to pick up every bad word that is muttered around him. It's like a secret language for him. He loves the words and knows exactly how to use them. I am the most popular mom in my neighborhood. "Hey...there's that brat's mom!" Fits in the front yard are quite the norm as he hates to come inside. Many older women have told me bad kids = good adults. I hope they're right because I would hate to be known as the brat's mom while I'm trying to rest in the nursing home. :)

Why???

Sometimes I wonder why I decided to be a Mommy. With all the worries and stress that come with being a Mommy, I often find myself feeling overwhelmed. I remember my Mom telling me that you never stop worrying about your children. When they're born we worry about SIDS and immunizations. When they're toddlers we worry about stitches, falls, and scrapes. As school age children, we worry about them walking to school or playing outside. As teenagers, we worry about their friends, boyfriends, drugs, and sex. During their college years, we worry about them drinking and driving, completing their degrees, and money. Once they're adults, we worry about them financially and physically. Then.......they have children and we worry about our grandchildren. To sum it up, once you become a Mom you are stressed forever and ever. I guess it's worth it, though. I sure love them lots!

Will He Ever Be Potty-Trained?

My 3 1/2 year old son is driving me crazy!! He refuses to be potty trained. Most days he'll go pee in the big toilet (he barely reaches it). But, other days he's perfectly content peeing in his pull-ups. I know, I know, put regular underwear on him and he won't like the feeling of being wet, right? I tried that and it didn't work. lol
He has no problem with being wet. In fact, he'll walk around in wet underwear for quite a while before he decides to tell me. He refused his musical potty chair. So....I sold it at the last yard sale. The weird thing is that he will pee when we go out somewhere. He loves using other people's toilets. Maybe I should just redecorate our bathroom on a daily basis to make him feel as if he's exploring a new place.
The truth is, I'm at a loss. We've tried letting him pee with Daddy, clapping and cheering for him when he pees, having his best friend tell him that he wears underwear, and rewarding him. Nothing works!
My daughter was completely potty trained by age 3 and I thought that was late. Wow! He'll be 4 in October. I would like for him to begin preschool but one of the stipulations is that he must be completely potty trained before enrollment.
Well...if preschool doesn't happen, I've always got kindergarten, right?

When is a young crush too young?

I currently came across a question on Mamapedia http://www.mamasource.com/article/1st-crush-in-1st-grade-isnt-this-a-little-young that deserved some attention.

The question was, "1st crush in 1st grade??? Isn't this a little young?" Here are my thoughts on the subject:

Although as parents, we hate to admit it, but......our kids have hormones. Yes...hormones. Hormones are part of the human body and they affect our personalities, big time. Some kids have no interest in the opposite sex until they are teenagers. Others, like myself, are interested in the opposite sex immediately after birth.

I remember having a boyfriend in kindergarten. Ah, yes...Adam Dick. Don't laugh! That was really his name. We held hands on the school bus, everyday. He liked me and I liked him. Why, you ask? Well, I still remember his mushroom haircut. I thought he had the prettiest hair in the world. I think he liked my little glasses. haha! Anyway, we didn't do anything inappropriate. In fact, I loved going to school just to see him.

The truth is that kids want acceptance. They want to feel attractive and accepted. A crush is just a normal part of growing up and for some, it comes early. Some children love the attention that is bestowed upon them by other children. Hey, don't we all feel flattered when someone tells us that we're pretty or cute? It's all in fun.

My three-year-old son loves girls and women of all ages. I remember being in line at the grocery store and my son stroked the hair of a woman standing in front of us. She was about 75 years old with silver, wavy hair. As her stroked her hair he said, "She's pretty!" The lady was so flattered that she got a tear in her eye. I wondered how long it had been since this lady had been called, "pretty". It was the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. He loves women, all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, and ethnicities. I just hope I don't end up with twenty grandchildren. ;)

Parents, try not to worry so much. If you make a big deal of the crush, the more important it will become to the child. Just accept it as a part of normal childhood and use it to torture them later in life.

Cougars

My daughter made me laugh the other day. We were riding in the car, on the way to school, and the radio was on. They were discussing the new show, "Cougars". Apparently, this is a show similar to "The Bachelorette". The only difference is that the bachelorette is a woman in her 40's or 50's and the bachelors are young men in their 20's. These men are aware that they are there to find an older woman. They prefer older women. I think it's great! Hey, older men have been pursuing younger women for centuries.
Well...my daughter thought it was a horrible idea and a horrible show. She said, "Mom, if you ever brought home a young guy, I would hate it! That's gross!" I couldn't help but laugh. I can't believe that she sees me as an "older woman". I surely don't feel like an older woman. I'm only 36 for God's sakes! I still feel 20. I still find men in their 20's very attractive. If I were single, I would definitely date younger men. Although, my husband is ten years my elder. :)
I'll be honest, I like men of all ages. Al Pacino is much older than myself and I find him very sexy. I always tease my husband by telling him, "I'm gonna be the most popular girl in the nursing home!"
As far as the new show, "Cougars", all I have to say is..."YOU GO GIRL!!!" ENJOY! ;)
To the young guys on the show, "Watch out boys! Those cougars just might tear you up!" haha

Some Time for Me?

Why isn't there ever any time for me? Just me? Maybe some time to sit back on the beach with a pina colada and meditate?
I anxiously awaited a recent vacation to the Disneyworld resorts. Was it a nice trip? Yes. If you eliminate the packing, the unpacking, the re-packing, and the unpacking again. Oh...and let's not forget the puking in the bag during the plane trip there. No, not my children...ME! I was so sick! All that turbulence totally shook me up. The shaking of the airplane wing freaked me out, too. I kept picturing the wing flying off and the plane crashing. Not good.
Of course it had to rain during our trip to Magic Kingdom. But, we made the most of it and shook it off. The good thing is that the lines weren't very long and we were able to ride almost everything. Niko decided that he was too old to be pushed in a stroller. Try walking around Disneyworld with a three-year-old....not fun! He kept running after the characters and running away from us. After two days of this, I suddenly found myself wishing for a vacation alone. Why didn't I go on a cruise, all alone? Someday, maybe.
In the meantime, it was great watching my children enjoy the vacation. To see the joy on their faces as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck hugged them was something I will never forget. It was worth the puke, the packing, the expense, and the sunburn to see their happiness. Hey...Aladdin was quite cute, anyway.

The Worst Mother Ever?

I often wonder if others see me as the worst mother ever. My son is such a handful. He cusses like a sailor, throws toys, yells, screams and throws temper tantrums. I know people probably think that he must come from a very dysfunctional family, but that is not the case. We are normal people that run a very normal household. But....nowadays, what is normal? If normal consists of family dinners together, movie night, story times, and play dates, then we're pretty normal.
He is three. I can tell you from experience that three is much worse than two. Why do they call it "terrible two's"? I have no clue. It should be called "tumultuous three's".
Sometimes I feel like I want to run away to Italy and never return. Maybe change my name to Roma and fit right in with the rest of the local villagers. However, my heart won't allow me to leave my little man.
I truly feel that God made him so cute just to make me feel bad each and every time he is disciplined. He'll do something naughty and then look up at me with those big green eyes, and I melt. He's a modern day James Dean...gorgeous yet dangerous.
I'm praying that four is a much better year. By then, I may have a nervous twitch and a bald spot but hey, I'm a positive thinker.

The End of Naptime??

I cannot express to you the importance of nap time. I'm sure many parents have enjoyed those few hours in the afternoon each day. I use my son's nap time to get many needed things cleared off of my agenda. Homework, housework, a phone call, an email, an article, or just a nice cup of coffee is great during the only quiet time I have. I have come to love and appreciate those quiet afternoon hours or sometimes.....minutes. But, my son has been refusing his naps recently. Will this be the end of nap time? I was hoping to continue this until at least kindergarten. What shall I do? This is horrible!!
Well...today I decided to take a different approach. I decided that I am the boss, not little Mr. Crabby Pants! I took him in my room, shut the door, turned off the phone and layed down with him. After much resistance, I held him tight and he threw a fit! He screamed and tantrumed. After yelling, "Sissy...I need help!!" several times, trying to fish-hook and head-butt me, he fell asleep. I started thinking to myself, "Geez...what's the problem with taking a nap? I wish I could take naps."
He looked like such an angel laying there sleeping so peacefully. I wondered if fifteen minutes of screaming and temper tantrums was worth the two hour nap?
YES. DEFINITELY!!